She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
