i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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