haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
