i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
