I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
