you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
