things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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