my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
