What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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