That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
