I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
