Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
sarcasm needs its own font
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
