all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize