In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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