Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
