Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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