you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
