I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
