you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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