All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
