No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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