how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
