the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
