you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
