at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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