Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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