What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize