Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
