I'm really into asian looking animals
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
