I can tuck mytits in my pants
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
