He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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