i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
