i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
