I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
