i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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