Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize