i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
we're making bets on your personal life
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
