you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
