yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
