I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
