If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
