what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize