I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
