Banned from zoo.
Again?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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