You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize