I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I love you. Go after that dick
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
