He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
