I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
