He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
