I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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