Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
