I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
