I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
