How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
my liver is dry heaving
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
