I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
