Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
