so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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