at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
