he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
