Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
