this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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