i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
