Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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