i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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