i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
