DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
