I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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