If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
