He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
