it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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