I just cut my nipple shaving
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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