walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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