I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
