Just mADE A PArabola og urine
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
