I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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