When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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