Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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