So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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