I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize