You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
