My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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