wakey wakey hands off snakey
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
