I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
