Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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