also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
