then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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