All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
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