don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
