Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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