its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
