I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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