I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
