3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
