Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
