idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
