I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
