He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
