this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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