Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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