Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
