I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
