My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
