I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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