I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
