Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
