its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
