dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
