What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
