I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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