It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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