Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
