I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my phone needs a breathalizer
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I need to align my fucking chakras
Congratulations! We have a period
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