i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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