Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
