cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
