nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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