i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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