can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everclear isn't food dammit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
