I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
