Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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