Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
