Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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